- i’ve forgot things that i was making in the kitchen
- forgot why i went somewhere in the house
- forget to take student card or phone thing to DH
- didn’t take charger when going out
- Three Days of Happiness
- can’t focus during lectures (at least one memory of not focusing in primary school classes)
- can’t remember primary school
- waste afternoons and evenings and late nights scrolling or getting lost in tabs
- have thousands of tabs open, high curiosity but never finish reading or researching something
- can’t sit through an entire episode of something easily most of the time, esp. hour-long but even 24-min
- restless leg syndrome, legs or feet always moving when sitting, lying down, and esp. when trying to sleep; used to stab my leg with a pen for some time in grade 7 to stop it, didn’t work
- sleep cycle delayed; when getting closer to sunrise, i have drank coffee to stay awake longer, and then fell asleep rapidly (unsure if causation); undersleeping at night, napping in afternoon, can’t get anything done at night nor during the day
- never studied in my life; picked HS subjects that wouldn’t require studying too much; tried to cut out other parts of my life to focus on matric but played video games at a higher rate during trials than i did during lockdown, scrolled a lot and got lost in tabs as well, just ended up cutting off anime and creativity and marginally increasing studying
- tasks like video writing or homework intimidate me enough that i can’t bring myself to do them even though i enjoy creating videos; same with watching or reading stuff or reading books or articles
- habit of playing tetris or osu while listening to podcasts or videos
- using rubiks cubes to focus on anime, has helped
- playing 2048 during lectures
- very often zoning out and going down my own train of thought of something quite unrelated during: lectures, watching shows, conversations (a bit more briefly than the rest)
- always always listening to music, else videos
- often pacing/walking around (was up and down the house, now also university ave), thinking about something or talking to myself. will often be after impulsively getting up from whatever i was doing because i couldn’t maintain focus
- never forget things i carry every day (wallet, student card, keys, phone, earbuds) but can forget things that aren’t regular (forgot chocolate just bought in the car) also have forgotten that i was making a toasted cheese sandwich and burnt it
- even without technology or outside stimulation, often can’t get bored because i can just think about things. sometimes this doesn’t work if i’m not having valuable thoughts and i just want my internal monologue to shut the FUCK up for once
- sometimes ruminating, compulsively thinking negatively, most most most often imagining scenarios where i’m at odds with other people and they are acting unreasonably aggressive
- bite/eat the skin around my nails, and the inside of my cheek and inside of my lip
- want to do a lot, kind of too much (creative: videos, music, …; knowledge: anime, philosophy, politics, …)
- cheated grade 8
- wake up severely confused when too early
- indulging in negative emotions, hatred (over the little things/interactions often)
- wed 31 jul - slept after 4, woke up 7:30, my attention and focus is somehow better
- hard to build and maintain habits, brushing teeth, skincare, showering
- drank larger dose of coffee than usual before matric exams, still spaced out at times during them
- bothered by little things, notification anxiety, get angry for basically no reason and then stay like that, criticism difficult to handle
- misreading sentences: shifting words around, reading word wrong
- very slow reader
- when unfocused, can’t interpret the words of lecturer. when reading or watching a show, the words also just pass through the ears and i have to reread or rewind.